my chacos are a part of me

somehow i always end up as the girl who is left behind, broken hearted, confused, and still wearing my chacos. maybe i need to gets some new shoes! ha thats crazy talk! right. i love my chacos, and the sweet tan line that lasts all year long. i miss it as it begins to fade, and i pray for sunshine to bring it back ever spring! those soles are well traveled and have walked many miles. Trudged through the snow, and jumped in rain puddles. floated rivers, and explored mountain sides. they have been with me in the sun, and sand. they have caught fish, and colds. they are like coming home when i slip into those straps, and tighten then down. they have seen me laugh so hard i cry, they have fed homeless veterans, and cooked meals for my friends. they have been with me as i realize i am alone, they have been with me as i see the light that shines from within. they are constant and true, they hold me together when i want to break free and run away. my chacos make me happy. my chacos help make me, me.

i have come to some realizations today, that not everything that we hope for comes true. sometimes, our heart gets ahead of head. and sometimes we still listen to our heart, knowing its wrong for so many reasons. i know that what i have wanted for so long is right at my fingertips, and i want to hold on to it. but just like sand, when you hold on too tight, it slips away. and before you know it, its gone, and you just have to dust off your hands and keep going on, preferably in chacos! ;) 

i know this probably isn't making much sense to those of you who are reading it. but my mind is so full of thoughts and ideas right now. my heart is breaking. my head is confused about whats happening to my heart, and why i have all of these emotions. i am not sure of it myself, or how i am supposed to react to the things happening in my life. i want to just put my chacos on and drive until i don't feel anything, until i can't think anything. 

so many things have happened in the last 5 months. im still processing emotions that i was too scared to face when they happened. and now not knowing where the next step is going to take me, makes me feel like i am just some crazy girl, who has crazy ideas, and wants nothing more than to find peace, and love. and maybe a long haired hippie! haha!  or at least someone who is going to love her back. 

so until that day. i know i have my chacos.